Photo by Giorgio Montersino. Feature photo by procsilas
Travel is a test for any relationship. Even during a one month adventure, new personalities seem to emerge in people you’ve known your whole life. Here are nine questions you might want to ask–and answer–before traveling with a friend.
1. What’s the purpose?
Does one of you travel to meet people while the other is focused on museums and architecture? Are you traveling to relax and lounge, while your friend is anxious to hop on the nearest tuk tuk to discover the surroundings? Find out why your partner is traveling and what they hope to experience.
2. How much are you comfortable spending?
This might seem like an obvious question, but it’s crucial. Make sure your travel partner has a similar budget. If one of you is looking for street food and the other looking to sip Dom Pérignon in an upscale hotel bar, then problems are bound to arise.
3. What are your comfort zones?
Everyone has knee-jerk reactions to being surprised, in new situations, or not in complete control. How will your friend behave? Will she shut down? Become defensive? Will he open up and enjoy the difference? Have you seen your potential travel partner uncomfortable before? How did they act?
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4. What’s your concept of time?
If you say you’ll meet at 8:00 AM, does that really mean 8:00 AM or more like 8:30? How about your friend’s clock–is it in sync with yours?
At home, these differences can be overlooked, but when traveling you might not want to be waiting around while the line to the Eiffel Tower, hoping your travel buddy is on the way. Even if the goal is just to beat the crowds at breakfast and start the day early, will your friend leave you hanging?
5. Can your friend become immersed in the moment?
Will your friend be able to let go of home for a while and focus on what is in front of their eyes in a foreign land? Some people can’t do this, and a conversation in Belize could be about a trade-gone-bad in New York City. It can take the wind out of the trip.
6. Does your friend have the potential to drive you crazy?
Does your friend smack while eating? Does she talk with empanadas falling out of her mouth? Bottom-line, is there anything that slightly annoys you now about a future travel partner? If so, this annoyance level will intensify on the road. Be ready.
Photo by Hamed Sabert
7. What are your patience levels?
Some have patience; others don’t. When you are waiting for a meal and it doesn’t come out for 45 minutes, will your friend be upset? Will you? A train is 10 minutes behind schedule. Are you complaining together, or is only one of you piercingly perturbed by the delay?
8. Will you be flexible?
The trip is a month long; the route is planned. But in week two a particular beach is absolutely amazing and beckons you to stay longer. Will both of you decide to change the schedule a bit and stay an extra day? Or perhaps both of you decide to stick to the planned itinerary? Does one of you recognize the present opportunity, while the other is a stickler for the game plan?
9. Will you be co-dependent, independent, or a mix?
Do both of you plan on spending a majority of the time together on the trip? If one person wants to see an art exhibit and the other decides on a beach to check out the scene, will it be OK to split up? Some people do not like to be left alone when in an unfamiliar land. Others relish this single exploration time, and then enjoy coming back to a friend later in the day to tell of the expedition.
COMMUNITY CONNECTION:
Having conversations about travel plans can be challenging…whether you want to hit the road with a friend or go it alone. If you’re eager to try solo travel, but aren’t sure how to tell your partner, be sure to read this article from our archives.
14 Comments... join the discussion!
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Good tips if you are thinking of traveling with a buddy. A few weeks ago I wrote about how to deal with problems when they arise but it’s better to think about these things BEFORE you plan your trip.
http://www.havepack.com/when-traveling-with-a-friend-becomes-a-problem/ – if you want to read it.
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Great questions! Finding someone (whom you already know and like) who fits enough of the criteria to actually take off on a long trip with you could just be so hard. It’s better to go it alone.
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Traveling with a friend or significant other is a great way to test the relationship. I myself probably could not put up with any “whining.” I like to go with the flow because I look at travel as an adventure. It’s about getting away from the “normal” realms of life. Plus, you could have some great travel stories. If you’re going to travel with someone, it’s best to set ground rules and make sure you’re on the same page before you leave. Then again, all of that can go out the window when you miss a connecting flight or are running through the airport!
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JoshyWashington – definitely a point that could have been included in the list. Sorry if you had to experience that one!
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Have Pack – I like the article. Well done and I agree with the thoughts.
Travellohr – Yeah, it is a bit difficult to find good travel buddies. And they were found after trying with many other friends!
Travel-Writers-Exchange – All the planning in the world inevitably has some unexpected loops thrown into its reality, like you just mentioned! I guess that is travel though right? Good stuff.
Dominic
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joshywashington — yes, yes. my sister should have asked this question before traveling with my aunt. it was five years ago and she still looks absolutely horrified when recounting the trip!
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Interesting. I have to say, though, that even if you try to answer these questions ahead of time, you really don’t know how someone will be when they travel until you hit the road.
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I know, it’s strange. Given the transforming quality of long-term travel, a laid back person may reveal neuroses and fears you’d never imagined. And, perhaps more often, someone you’ve always thought of as uptight may surprise you as being incredibly adaptable.
I think knowing what kind of travel you both want to do will tell you a heck of a lot of what you need to know. Also, the amount of travel experience you both have. If someone relishes long-term, low budget travel, there’s a good chance that they love the way it frees them of constraints, frees them to be the best, most patient and open-minded version of themselves.
The latent drunk, though. Yeah, gotta do your homework on that one.
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On similar note to budget …. the question of how much of a foodie the person is comes up! Is your friend willing to go out of the way to eat at somewhere they have heard great things about ? If you are the foodie ( like I am ) , can you compromise and just eat at the hotel snack bar / Mcdee’s because your friends doesn’t want to “waste” time on food adventures?
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Great article Dominic!
I have definitely experienced most of these to varying degrees with companions. It definitely helps if you are aware of some of the potential issues before you go.↵ -
This is a really well thought out set of questions Dominic. I particularly like number 4 (what is your concept of time?) Punctual types can be driven crazy within minutes if a travel partner is consistently late.
Anyone planning to hire a car whilst away should also discuss sharing the driving. It’s fair enough if your travel buddy isn’t comfortable with the thought of getting behind the wheel on foreign soil, but there could be some serious tension if one person has to do all the driving, while their passenger snoozes from one destination to the next…
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Thanks Dominic. This is such a good article. I wish I’d asked myself the same questions last time I traveled with friends. I probably wouldn’t have changed my mind about going with them but would have been more prepared. #2 is especially important. It can get uncomfortable when one person is traveling on a budget and the other spends wildly.
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Excellent article, thanks for the tip. I’ll have to remember that when I’ll go on my world tour.
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