Photo Tiago Rïbeiro
Blank page paralysis. Curse of the pulsing cursor. Together we will confront graphophobia, the fear of writing.
It’s time to write. I wait for an image, a phrase, some remembered thing to jerk my hands against the keys but nothing comes. My palms itch, I try to sip from an empty coffee cup and curse at the lawnmower across the street that growls like a dog munching on my gray matter. I suddenly know I will never eke out anything worth skimming over, let alone reading again.
I suck.
In utter loneliness a writer tries to explain the inexplicable.
- John Steinbeck
Do you ever ask yourself ‘am I good enough? Do I have anything worthwhile to say? Will people like my writing? Will people read my writing?’
The great Peruvian poet, César Vallejo, in the first quatrain of his sonnet “Intensidad y altura” wrote:
I want to write, but it comes out foam,
I want to say a great deal, but I get stuck;
There’s no spoken cipher that’s not a sum,
No written pyramid without a core.
Every writer grapples with graphophobia. You are attempting creativity and honesty in one careful motion. It’s like marching into a jungle with a half full canteen and no compass. You don’t know where you are going or what you will meet.
This is the solace: we come to this place, as writers, together. We name the fear, we pin it down with pens and move on, further into that dark jungle, happy for the fear and danger. The fear tells us we are moving closer to the place we want to be.
Writing is easy, you just stare at a blank screen until your eyes bleed.
-Douglas Adams
Across the street the lawn mower hits a rock but grinds forward.
Community Connection
Do you struggle with graphophobia and writers block? What does it feel like? What exercises do you use to overcome these struggles? Share your experiences in the comments.
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About the Author
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18 Comments... join the discussion!
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I don’t normally get writer’s block (*knocks on wood*), but when it happens or if I’m working on something that completely seems to prevent pen from crawling across the paper, I push through … even if it sucks. At least the first draft is done then, and I can always go back to fix it later (luckily the second through I have something to work with).
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I’m the same way, JoAnna. What a great feeling to get that first draft done! I find the revision process much less stressful than the creative one.
Here’s a piece by Stephen Fry on the subject. In it, he brings up a quote from Thomas Mann: “A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than for other people.”
Great stuff: http://www.stephenfry.com/2009/09/05/emerging-into-the-light/
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Thanks for that link Hal, great read. Inspiring in its own way.
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wonderfully inspiring read, great link Hal!
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Yes, I do find myself grappling with questions like, “Am I putting out something beautiful/unique/beneficial?”…
I love coming back to great writing (like here at Matador!) and reading writing books like Ann Lamott or a book like “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield http://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/0446691437
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I don’t force it. If i’m annoyed, distracted, and trying too hard it won’t flow and I find the prospect of writing a 2nd draft from a crappy first draft even less inspiring. If the words for the subject at hand aren’t coming, I write about something else. If I’m not in the mood for writing in general, I go do something else creative like make jewelry, develop a recipe, or work on the potted plant garden. If I’m not in a creative mood at all, I go for a walk or go to the gym. In short, I do something that looks very similar to procrastination but actually serves to recharge my batteries. If all else fails, I pop open a beer and start writing around midnight, giving myself a deadline of 2am. This has somehow been when I’ve most often churned out my best work.
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The midnight beer thing I gotta try!
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so that’s what it’s called!
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Blank pages that taunt me always end up beginning with, “This is the beginning of my writing. Don’t hate me if it sucks.”
Once I’ve committed to writing anything, regardless of inspiration or quality and I take the judgment aspect out of it with those two sentences, I remember that I showed up to the job. If the creativity didn’t come that’s not entirely my fault.
Elizabeth Gilbert gave a great TED talk on this: http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
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I like that! Give yourself a disclaimer… and I like the link, thank you Kristin.
I sometimes forget that rare is the author who types out a first draft that is their complete story…that writing ( to paraphrase Stephen King ) is like painstakingly digging up a dinosaur with little scrapers and brushes, you know you have a bone…but what bone, what species, what era? Carefully the work is “discovered”, unearthed…I get ahead of myself, going goddamn it, this suppose to be a Plesiosaur, not a frickin Trilobite!↵ -
Some of my best “writing” comes when I’m riding my bike home from work through the park. But then I get home and try to get those ideas out of my head and it’s never the same. What once might have been coherent thoughts come out as a few random sentences that I can’t make anything out of. So frustrating. Maybe I should invest in a little recorder.
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I have had many similar experiences while running. Something about the hypnotic routine of jogging lets my mind fly. While working on my creative writing major I had to write a short story. While on a jog through a cemetery listening to Led Zep’s Levy Song I looked at a grave and got a complete story rushed instantly in my head. A combination of the name on the head stone ( Charles Ebbinghouse )and the music in my ears wrote a story.
I did manage to get home and get that one out.↵ -
I end up writing in my head as soon as I try to fall asleep. By then I’m too tired to get up though so I just hope I can hold on to it until the next morning. I usually can’t.
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Josh- Really love that Vallejo quote– never seen that before.
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I usually let my assignments from Vagabondish, Matador, and my two blogs pile up until I’m left with a seemingly impossible list of tasks… the words have a hard time flowing then. The only thing that can be done is completely isolation from the internet, other people, loud noises, even good books. But that’s just me. The rain is pelting against the window of my shelter and providing me with some welcome white noise.
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Writer’s block may come and go. Writer’s block is much deeper, something in the psyche or subconscious mind that is holding you back. Most writers and people have a fear of failure or a fear of success. It sounds weird that writers would have a fear of success, but it’s true. When you become a successful writer, you’ll be in demand. You’ll be interviewed and travel the world for an extensive amount of time. This means you’ll be away from family, friends, husbands/wives, life partners, etc…
Face your fears and write anyway. Take the pressure off of writing by going away for a weekend or take the week off to do nothing, travel, or volunteer. Writer’s block is really all in your head.
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Whenever I’m struggling, I write something that matters less –emails to a friend, inane blog entries that never see the light of day, facebook comments… Just anything that makes me laugh or puts me in a sillier, more creative mindset. I think I am most effective when I take the pressure off and am just enjoying myself.
I think it also helps when the screen that is staring back at me isn’t an empty document. Sometimes I start writing projects in something that just feels less demanding. I’ve written the beginnings of many things in a blank email…
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