MC Lars breaks down his recent “Down Under” tour by the numbers.
All photos: MC Lars
Consecutive hours spent driving from Brisbane to Melbourne after tropical storms canceled all Brisbane flights: 26
Hot girls from North Carolina we hung out with in Melbourne: 1
Non-annoying hot girls from North Carolina we hung out with in Melbourne: 0
Number of places we ate at that used the same wordplay in their titles that I had in demos for “This Gigantic Robot Kills”: 2
Number of monks who got drunk with us at a monastery near Melbourne: 5
Age of the oldest monk there: 92
Number of times I went to 7-Eleven for coffee: 12
How many days it took for me to learn the difference between “flat white” and “long black” coffee: 3
Number of comic book stores we went to in Melbourne that had awesome old-school Ninja Turtle toys: 2
Number of comic book stores that had the 25th anniversary re-releases: 0
How many koalas I petted at the Featherdale Wildlife Park in NSW: 3
The number of emus that tore up the cone with food for the wallabies when I was trying to feed them: 2
On a scale of 1 to 10, the determination with which DJ declared, “They can’t mess with me,” when we’d had enough of the emu terror: 7
My percentage of being Australian: 50
Distant second cousins and aunts and uncles I had dinner with in Melbourne on our night off: 11
Number of pages I got done for my graphic novel while traveling: 2
Number of pages I’ve gotten done since being back in California: .25
Number of times we listened to the new Eminem record: .5
Number of times we listened to Mewithoutyou: 7
Number of giant monuments to Australian “legend” Craig Giles in the small town of Finley: 1
Number of people in the touring party in Finley who had heard of Craig Giles: 0
Craig Giles, whoever he is.
The time I finally got to bed on our night off in Melbourne, as I listened to Bile on my iPod and wandered the streets, furious at my ex-girlfriend for something: 5
Number of times per week we ate at Subway: 4
Number of times I eat at Subway per week in the US: 1
How many times I told DJ I wasn’t going to drink at all this tour: 13
Whiskey and Cokes bought with our drink tickets at shows: 13
Number of female DJs at the Spectrum club in Sydney who had fun flirting with us: 3
Number of times I asked people about Alice Springs and was told that it was more expensive to fly there than to Asia: 5
Hours I spent watching YouTube videos about Alice Springs at our hotel when we had WiFi: 2
Number of times I’ve been to Australia: 4
How many people danced and sang with me after I played “Down Under” by Men at Work when I DJed after our Sydney club show: 8
On a scale of 1 to 10, how beautiful Australian girls are: 10
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much this second thing influences my decision to go back soon: 10
Community Connection
Headed down under yourself? Meet Matador’s Australia experts for insider tips, or read about the 15 things you can’t miss while you’re there.
Have a By the Numbers you want us to read? Send to david [at] matadornetwork [dot] com
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15 Comments... join the discussion!
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Flat white is my coffee of choice. As far as I can tell, it’s the same thing as a latte, just with less foam. And it’s served in a shallow mug as opposed to a glass, which a latte is served in. I’m told that the mug is smaller than the glass, so the flat white is actually a stronger coffee (less milk). Don’t know how true that is.
Not sure what a long black is. My guess is it’s two shots of espresso??
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You are correct.
A ‘Flat White’ is pretty much an aussie invention and is normally one shot of espresso (30ml) served in the same cup as a cappuccino – which is generally 180ml (6oz) – with only about 3mm of foam MAX.
A latte is a single shot served in a 240ml (8oz) glass with around 10~12mm of foam – which is pretty much the same as it *should* be in most parts of the world. Some specialty coffee places use a ‘ristretto dopio’ (the first 40~50ml of a double shot) in a latte.
As for a ‘long black’, that *should be* your good ‘ol “Americano”. Basically about 100mls of hot water in the 180ml cappuccino cup with a double ristretto (my preference) extracted over the TOP of the water (so many places add the water later) – if the coffee is at optimum freshness and extracted correctly, will give a rich golden crema floating on top of the beverage.
Great article.
Cheers,
Sean
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Yay…what did I win?
Considering my love of coffee I really should learn more about it. It sounds fascinating. Sean, I wish most of the places I bought a coffee from had the same passion as you!
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“Number of times I asked people about Alice Springs and was told that it was more expensive to fly there than to Asia: 5″ it’s SO WEIRD. they think it’s practically impossible to get to a few of their own places.
i wish i was there with you
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Freaking weird – Australia is the most ginormous nation with the least amount of people. Some day I just want to explore the outback and feel what it’s like to be so separated from everything!!
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I’ll be campervanning around it for around 6 months mid next year. If you’re around, drop me a line!
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“The number of emus that tore up the cone with food for the wallabies when I was trying to feed them: 2
On a scale of 1 to 10, the determination with which DJ declared, “They can’t mess with me,” when we’d had enough of the emu terror: 7″
I had no idea emus were such jerks. Now I don’t feel so bad about using their melted-down fat to help fight my aging skin.
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Lol, I was at the Melbourne show and I used to go to school in Finley.
This guy is about as famous as it gets out here, so famous in the 16 years I lived there I never heard his name.
http://www.gumtreemusic.com.au/music/craig-giles/albums.aspx↵ -
Flat white is pretty much a cappucino without froth… latte is more milky. Long black is just black coffee but the size of a standard cup – tha way it should be!!
Haha our total population < pop’n Tokyo
Carlo where are you headed on your trip? You gotta do the coastal drive between Sydney and Brisbane, its long but beautiful and has some awesome surf inbetween. Have mad fun
As for craig giles.. AKA “Mr Versatile” (wtf?).. he can be spotted here wearing a dashing, mighty-fine mullet.. http://www.craigiles.com/frames.htm
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“Flat white is pretty much a cappucino without froth… latte is more milky. Long black is just black coffee but the size of a standard cup – tha way it should be!!”
Not quite – unfortunately, as in other parts of the world, Australia incorrectly sprinkles chocolate on top of a cappuccino. The brown on top of a cappuccino is supposed to be formed by the free pouring of milk and the shape of the cup forcing the ‘crema’ of the espresso shot up and around the edges of the milk. The first sip being coffee and not ‘roadhouse froth’.
So a “Flat White” is pretty much an (Australian) cappuccino with NO chocolate and only about 3mm of froth instead of 12 to 15mm of froth.
Sydney’s most established coffee house ‘Campos Coffee’ go so far as to teach their baristas that there is NO difference in milk texturing between a Flat White, Latte and a Cappuccino. I am not sure that I would agree with this.
As for a ‘long black’ – it is not just ‘black coffee’ – this could be used to describe the day old drip brewed swill in a road house. A ‘long black’ can only be prepared using the espresso extraction method and is the direct equivalent to an Americano. Both can be prepared correctly or poorly.
Hope that helps for your next trip.
Cheers,
Sean
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Too bad THIS North Cackalaki girl wasn’t in Melbourne when you were there, the “Non-annoying” number would have hit 1
Emus. One of those bastards almost took out a friend while we were in a park in Tassie.
Wait, that was actually kind of funny. They’re FUNNY bastards.
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drunk monks? hilarious
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I really like the way you wrote this article! Hilarious and innovative, together at last!
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Hey great article, it’s such a different way to describe a place, but it really works.
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