Photo: Vincepal

We wandered into Rad Brothers. The bar was dimly-lit and packed with inebriated foreign men and Japanese women. This was during the Sapporo Snow Festival. Everyone looked as though they’d just finished a massive snowball fight.

Taka-san ushered us over to seats by the window. Outside were sparkling ice sculptures. I ordered my standard tequila and Coke while Taka drank a Sapporo. All around the room were red-faced foreigners coming off another week of teaching English. Now they attempted to wow Japanese girls looking for an “international liaison.”

Like so many who choose to spend a year in Japan teaching English, I had fallen into the “gaijin circles,” expats who cling to other English speakers, spending most of the time joking about funny Engrish signs, the lack of good Mexican food, samurai, geisha, sushi, and Karate Kid all wrapped into one. I wasn’t a traveler, but an American living in Japan.

I’d landed in Osaka nine months earlier. Now I decided to end my Hokkaido trip with an evening stroll amongst the ice sculptures in the entertainment district, possibly to sing a few songs in one of the ice karaoke booths. Then I got the light tap on the shoulder and “Hey! Hey! Hey!”

Any other time an encounter like this had happened I was somewhat skeptical; it was usually a random Japanese emerging from a bar who felt like practicing his high school English.

That wasn’t the case this time. A middle-aged man met my gaze, along with a teenage kid who averted his eyes, looking from sculpture to sculpture.

Photo: Alfonso Jiménez

Taka-san, as he liked to be called, was very friendly and easygoing, willing to speak Japanese to me in simple words so I could understand and respond confidently.

His son was a little shy, or maybe he just felt nervous about speaking English and being around a stranger for the evening.

When we were all a little warmer from the alcohol, I reviewed the days of the week in English and Japanese with Taka’s son, and I learned a new cultural expression:

“You want to understand Japan?” Taka said, suddenly turning his head away from the path and looking at me with frosted eyebrows:

“Majime. Remember, majime.”

I couldn’t understand the Japanese, and he didn’t have the right English words, but I later found out majime means sincerity, or seriousness. Respecting someone with a bow shows majime. An apology shows majime. The cultural aspects I was describing to him about why I chose Japan (e.g. the kindess of the Japanese people) show majime.

But his next sentence still threw me: “You stay at my house tonight.”

I was still disoriented; we had only been talking for an hour, and this man invited me into his home? With his family? I had not yet been a guest in a Japanese house, but I knew I couldn’t accept his offer: I didn’t want to inconvenience him, and I knew I’d have to leave there pretty early in the morning anyway – I was flying out the next day.

Luckily he didn’t seem too offended, and understood that I already had a hotel room for the night. He gave me his business card – common to exchange when you meet someone – and took his son home in a taxi, encouraging me to contact him if I was ever in Sapporo again.

I talked to a random Japanese person for an hour, and he invited me to enter his home, his life.

It seemed unremarkable at the time, but now, I attribute this moment to losing my travel virginity. A sudden awareness of a different way of life. My mind opened in a new way: if a person in Japan could be so kind for such a simple thing, how would those in other cultures behave?

It started small: researching off-the-beaten-path places near my home base, which took me to Shikoku, small islands in Hiroshima Bay, and quaint towns in Kyushu. When I found a different job available in beautiful Kagoshima, I accepted without hesitation.

Where my mind had previously been occupied with finding employment back in the US once my contract with the English school expired, now there was a hunger to know. To know why the Japanese did things this way or that. To consider why Americans act the way they do. To think… am I an American for these reasons? Have I “turned Japanese”? And if I’m not an American… if I’m not Japanese enough…then where do I belong?

It took me some time to find out. Couchsurfing was already in my vocabulary by the time I made the decision to Amami Oshima, one of the larger southern islands of Japan. Matador was my first destination online before I chose to leave Japan. Taking a two-day ferry, I journeyed to Shanghai, Beijing, and Hong Kong before arriving in Thai Mueang, Thailand.

Unlike in Japan, where I usually stayed in capsule hotels for practicality, I grew into the habit of searching for decent Couchsurfing hosts; instead of buying an air conditioned bus ticket far in advance, I started hitchhiking when I couldn’t even speak Thai.

But most importantly, I came to realize it didn’t matter how I got there, what I did along the way, even what I saw when I arrived: it’s all about perspective, and my mind was open in a way it had never been before.

Community Connection

Can you pinpoint a certain moment in time where you felt like you became a traveler for the first time? Let us know in the comments, or check out our submissions call for stories of losing your travel virginity.

Photo: Andrew Cisel.

When I returned home after a few years in Asia and met my parents at the airport, I knew at some point I’d have to convince them of my decision to get back out into the world. The travel gene, which had been dormant for a year following university, kicked in during my time in Japan; unfortunately, this particular one seemed to skip a generation in my family.

Although not quite ready to tell them everything, I decided there wouldn’t be any harm in at least laying a foundation of my thoughts. Immediately quoting Kerouac came to mind, but just as quickly passed – my mother and father were the two least likely people to check a travel philosophy book out of the library, even one from their time.

Telling friends had been so much simpler:

“Hey, I’m leaving the country in a few weeks.”

“Nice. Where ya headed?”

“Japan, for a year at least.”

“You are crazy. Well, send me a email.”

“Will do.”

I had a strange suspicion this explanation would not suffice for two people who struggled and suffered to pay my college tuition; traveling almost seemed like a betrayal of their expectations. How could I best justify my wanderlust to my parents? Here are a few things I’ve learned to help put things into perspective:

1. Brave New Job Market

Explain how taking a year “off” to travel can actually help your career rather than impede it. Employers are looking for graduates who are able to deal with unpredictable situations, are flexible with travel, and exhibit good interpersonal skills. The Traveler’s Notebook’s own How to Make Travel Look Good on a Resume sums this up quite nicely.

2. Safety First

This might be hardest sell of all… planning to live in parts of Africa, South America, or Asia? The only continents that might not cause your parents to instinctively guide you down to the old bomb shelter are Europe and North America (minus Mexico).

Only the cold hard facts will help you here: look at the US Department of State advisory notices on different countries; note which ones are safe and why. Find people in your hometown who have lived in the area you’re considering and have them sit down for lunch with you and your family.

Mention you’re probably more likely to be shot in the States rather than in… well, many places.

3. “When I was your age…”

Photo: docentjoyce

This can work for or against you: have your parents lived abroad? If they were some of the few in their generation to spend a year or two abroad, ask them what they learned from it, if they wish they had never gone (of course not), and whether they would want their children to experience some similar joy.

If they are the types who have yet to even acquire passports, press them for details: Do you wish you had ever left the country? Where would you have traveled? How long? Why? Why not me?

4. Doubt

Whatever you do, don’t tell them spending a year in foreign country is an opportunity for you to get a sense of direction and what you want to do with your life.

Although these things might be true for you, I have a sinking suspicion parents assume you could reach the same conclusions working an entry-level job or enlisting in the military – maybe they’re secretly hoping such a position would quell all this “travel nonsense”.

5. The Chance to Visit

I had spent over a year in Japan and my parents were still on my back about missed opportunities in the US, losing touch with family, and cost of travel. The first time I really got their approval was when I invited them to visit.

I took them to see the blooming of the cherry blossoms, sat them down on tatami mats for a traditional Japanese dinner, and performed for them as I spoke the native tongue while asking about a certain ikebana arrangement. Those seven days showed I possessed more than the means to simply survive abroad… I could thrive, and they knew how precious that was to me.

Now they follow my adventures more closely than my best friends.

6. Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

Photo: Ed.ward

I personally haven’t had too much experience in this area, as I left for Asia when I was still rather young. But I imagine it’s different depending on whether you have any older unwed siblings or younger wed siblings. Or if you happen to be a girl. Pressure, pressure.

Assuming you’re not with anyone at the time of your departure, parents might assume you’re giving up another year of possible soulmate-meeting, i.e. there’s no way you could ever encounter someone of substance on the road. Nothing could be further from the truth.

While growing up together strengthens relationships while both parties are going through the same phases in life, so too does travel by having you discover if two people can stay on the wavelength while their worlds are ever in a state of flux.

7. Mother Says

This can apply to other life lessons as well: eating cookies, playing Nintendo, doing your homework. She will always be the one to cry for you to come home every month, every week, every hour.

She will panic at a missed phone call (we need a Matador article for good travel excuses). She will be scanning news websites and frantically try to reach you if there is even a mention of inclement weather or terrorist activity – threat level fuchsia.

Do your best to stave off major concerns, but, in the end, make her understand this is your life. And you’re living it the only way you know how.

Photo above by Oldtasty

I have never seen a country with a more aggressive tourist industry than Thailand. You emerge from Hua Lumpong station and make your way to the southern exit. It takes a fraction of a second for taxi and tuk-tuk drivers to yell at the top of their lungs, “Hello sir! Taxi sir! Where you go!? Where you go?”

If you have a foreign face and need or want something, someone will try to take advantage of you at some point. Here are a few tips to getting what you want at the price you want, not just in Thailand, but across Southeast Asia.

Photo above by neal_mcquaid

Speak Thai, or make your best effort.

Even a few words in Thai can go a long way. Obviously this will work better if you are fluent and can prove to the driver that you’re not a ignorant tourist, but if you’re still learning, stick with the numbers.

Negotiate the price before you depart, or even get in the cab.

Most likely, if they peg you as a tourist, you’ll be asked for 3-4 times the rate given to a local. Here’s how to use “How much is it?” in Thai: Tao arai khrap (or kha, for women)?

There’s no such thing as a free ride.

Don’t ever accept a free ride from a taxi or tuk-tuk. Often drivers will drop you at their “friend’s” gem or gold shop and pressure you into buying something. You also might end up on a tour of the city, which was not included in the free fare.

Photo above by René Ehrhardt

Navigating the Markets of Beijing

Before traveling to Thailand, I had slowly made my way from Osaka to China. Beijing was as familiar as ever: so much pollution that you can stare at the sun for minutes at a time, streets filled to the brim with cars and people, and never-ending construction.

Situating myself in the Sanlitun area, I found a clothing market close to the Workers’ Stadium. Surely I could find decent, cheap backpacks here – one as a carry-on, one for the open road.

I found what I was looking for in the corner of the basement, next to a selection of women’s “brand name” shoes. What followed was…

Feigning apathy.

I made it seem as though I was just browsing, while looking at my watch and giving the impression I had something better to do than shop for cheap backpacks. In actuality, I was narrowing my selection. This didn’t stop the shopkeeper from giving her best foreigner sales pitch:

“Look sir, you want backpack? Look at the quality here! FEEL the material! This one from Hong Kong, not fake, good for you! Look sir!”

Don’t let them know exactly what you want.

Start asking about another item you have absolutely no interest in, then switch to the one you do want to buy. It’s a game, you see.

Listen to the opening price, then counter it.

The opening price will be more than ten times the manufacturing cost. You could buy it for less than cost, as the merchants really just need one ignorant foreigner to make a purchase at an inflated price.

Respond with your first offer. Name a price ridiculously lower than that requested. If they ask for 2000 RNB, suggest 50.

Walk away.

Photo above by Yan Pritzker

Naturally, they’re going to make some attempt to bring you back, most likely by gently grabbing your arm and acquiescing: “ok, maybe I can make a friend; you very smart, you must live in China.”

They’ll counter probably with something like what they said their bare minimum cost is for the item… 1200 or so.

Name a price slightly higher than that you previously requested… 55 RMB. “Are you joking? Not enough!”

Walk away again. Amazingly, the price which had been declared the “bare minimum” has fallen… 800.

Don’t stop now.

Keep right on raising the price in small, small increments… 60 RMB.

Keep going through this until you end up at around 100-200 RMB, which is reasonable given a starting price of 2000. Walk away as many times as it takes, and don’t waver – despite everything they tell you or try to guilt you into paying, they know exactly how much it costs and how much profit they’ll make if they can just get that one buyer who doesn’t want to go through the trouble of haggling.

Helpful Tips

In general, whether you’re passing through the aforementioned countries or spending time in Cambodia, Laos, or Vietnam, the same advice applies to not getting mugged abroad: don’t flash cash. Try to speak as much of the local tongue as you can.

And, as anti-traveler an idea as it is, don’t try to make friends…

I’m not saying you couldn’t meet a potential friend in the Thai tourist industry, but there would always be that nagging question: is it me he likes, the internationalization I bring to his shop, or my wallet?

Unfortunately, it’s usually the latter.

Photo above by René Ehrhardt

Remember that haggling is more of a performance than anything else; you are playing the role of the poor hippie backpacker while the shopkeeper is playing the role of the poor-must-make-money-to-feed-my-seven-kids merchant.

But as travelers we must remember that this can be the truth. Don’t needlessly press those asking an extra 1 USD for a T-shirt, or quibble when a taxi hikes the fare by 30 cents.

Know when to walk away and how to play your part: if you’re sporting a $300 pair of Oakleys and arguing over the price of a 20 RMB dragon statue, you’re only going to make a fool of yourself and every vagabond following in your wake.

On the flip side, however, you shouldn’t cave to the bloated asking price without so much of a word of protest because you’re in a hurry or not in the mood for a good old-fashioned haggling; letting merchants believe they can get away with such deals will only drive up prices and could cause even more inflation.

Community Connection

Want more advice on haggling worldwide? Check out our guide, How to Haggle.

During a brief stint in Thailand, I had the opportunity to meet up with various people from different backgrounds: an Australian who divided his time between home and Phuket province, a couple from Ireland doing a backpacking tour of Asia, a middle-aged German woman who owned a house near Chalong Beach.

Together we chartered a long boat and set out to snorkel in some of the bluest waters and relax on powdery sand beaches.

One of the best days of my life.

Oh, and the people? Couchsurfers.

I came across Stefanie’s profile while looking for a place to stay in Phuket Town over the weekend. What I’d stumbled upon, however, was more than just a couch to crash on, but a guided tour of Thailand’s best islands, some great conversation from a diverse group, and a delicious lunch (my stomach still not quite used to spicy chicken and rice).

Couchsurfing, a website that links travelers looking for convenient and free places to stay with willing locals, is one of the better resources on the web. If you’ve done any major traveling you’re probably familiar with Couchsurfing, but have you set up your own profile, offered to host international guests, or slept on floors half the world over?

Although the number of surfers seems to be growing exponentially, hosts have to be particular when choosing who to allow in their homes. If you wanted to arrange for a guest to stay at your home, where would your attention lie? What information would concern you the most? Shared language? Interests? Age?

How can you best present your Couchsurfing profile, as both surfer and host?

Photo by blmurch

10. Get Verified

Yes, Couchsurfing does require you to pay $25 to get level three verification, but this is a small price to pay; you’re donating to an excellent cause and ensuring people know you’re genuine.

9. Post Plenty of Pictures

It’s always suspicious when your CSing (CouchSurfing) profile lacks any kind of personal touch; where are the pictures of you smiling with friends, family, coworkers? Let other travelers know you’re social, and capable of having fun when the occasion calls for it.

8. Couchsurf with Friends if you have no References

Plenty of people on Couchsurfing won’t take anyone who doesn’t have at least one glowing reference. Granted, we all have to start somewhere, so get your friends to show the world you are capable of crashing in unfamiliar surroundings without incident.

Ask people you know to sign up with CSing and add you to their friends list. An even better choice might be to try surfing locally. Although you certainly have a place to stay in your hometown, there’s no reason you cannot learn from the perspectives of other locals, and since you don’t live thousands of miles away, they might be more inclined to let you stay and build your reference list.

7. Allude to Exciting Travels Abroad

Sharing at least one preview of your travels on a CSing profile can go over well in finding a place to stay. Those offering to host may want to hear how the story goes.

Have you traveled where others have only dreamed of going? If not, do you know someone who has been there, or could share a story for you to tell in your first contact emails?

Photo by re-ality

6. Offer Your Couch at Home

Even if you don’t have a place for a fellow wanderer to stay the night, it’s important to make the offer; say you’re willing to meet someone for coffee and travel talk. Offer to connect them with your local CSing friends who do have decent floor space.

5. Don’t Use Couchsurfing to Hook Up

Maybe I’m off base here, but I just assumed that Couchsurfing was better than your average Match.com. Don’t post that you’re only willing to host members of the opposite sex and have only your single bed to share.

If you meet someone great by circumstance, that’s wonderful, but don’t actively seek it on a site like this.

4. Join and Follow Groups

True, you can just search for couches doing randomized searches under “Couchsurf!”, but another useful method to find or offer lodging is located in the local group listings. Each city should have its own official Couchsurfing group, assuming it doesn’t have ten.

Photo by blmurch

3. Don’t Lie

Don’t want smokers to stay at your place? Say as much. Not gay-friendly? Be honest. Uncomfortable with people staying more than one night? You’d better tell them straight-away, or you could be stuck with The Man Who Came To Dinner.

Couchsurfing is about expanding your horizons, but, when you’re staying with someone, it’s also about compatibility. Don’t put someone out by saying you’re a morning person and then party till 3 AM. Be honest as to who you are and what you want in a CSing experience.

2. Tell People When You Leave the Country

I cannot count the number of CSers I’ve emailed who haven’t gotten back to me; although their profiles mention the possibility of leaving in the near future, they forget to update that they have already been gone six weeks and are unable to host.

And the number one tip…

1. Don’t be Afraid

Couchsurfing is about goodwill, bettering the lives of travelers, and international understanding; the people are not out to beat and rob you. I can understand some people being hesitant about staying in a stranger’s house in a foreign country (especially single ladies), but CSing is not the “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist.

These people are real, and others will attest to them. Don’t let any fears you might have show through your profile words.

Photo by pauldavidson

Feature photo by brunogirin

When I decided to end my residency in Japan and travel to Thailand to work with a volunteer program, I knew the requirements for securing the proper visa, a non-immigrant type O:

What I failed to understand, however, was just how opposed the Royal Thai Consulate-General of in Japan was to me getting a visa into Thailand.

As an American citizen, I could buy one on arrival for 30 days, but if I chose to stay with the volunteer program for longer, I’d either have to leave and reenter the country or extend my visa with a local immigration office.

This being the less favorable of the two options, I needed to travel from Kagoshima to Osaka (five hours by train, and quite expensive), stay overnight for processing, and return the following day.

I arrived in Osaka and, within twenty minutes of stepping off the train, applied with the consulate. Having presented all documentation, I was told everything was in order, with the exception of the registration document.

I contacted my organization, and had them fax a different registration document to me. The next day, I applied again, only to be told that all the documents were in order, with the exception of the “corrected” registration document, which apparently was not the correct format: the copy my organization had provided was the official notification from the Thai government, but did not contain a statement of purpose.

I later found out such a document never existed.

Photo by liveu4

Lacking the paperwork to even have my application accepted, I returned to Kagoshima and was informed, upon consultation between the Royal Thai Consulate-General Osaka and the manager of my volunteer organization, that it would be in my best interest to forgo the traditional volunteer visa and just apply for a two-month tourist visa.

A few weeks later, I returned to Osaka (again, expensive train fare) and applied for a two-month tourist visa, only to be told that my recommendation letter from a Japanese institute, which had previously been deemed acceptable by the consulate, was now unacceptable for some reason (the reason being a different consulate officer was working that day and had his own ideas of what was necessary).

Upon learning this, the visa section receptionist suggested I again return to Kagoshima and have the document rewritten… at whose expense, I might ask?

Long story short? I applied for the same visa at the Thai consulate in Beijing and had it processed in three days for a lesser price, and with no hassles.

When it comes to Japanese bureaucracy mixed with the paperwork usually associated with government visas, you should always be aware that, regardless of location, you may not get what visa you want on the first attempt.

Or the second. Or the third. There are some consulates and embassies that are rigorous about having you dot every last “i” or leave no ink outside the black boxes. Others might behave differently according to the day, the person working, the weather, your clothes, your breath, the political situation, even a butterfly flapping its wings.

6 Tips for obtaining visas when you’re living abroad.

1. Consult the embassy or consulate website to obtain a list of precisely what you need.

Better yet, find someone who has gone through the procedure – a friend of the same nationality or a detailed blog writeup.

Most foreign embassies and consulates provide English instructions when it comes to visa procedures, but there are some that don’t – if you’re unclear as to what’s required when you walk in that door, you should…

2. Bring every single piece of government-issued paperwork you have on hand.

When you’re dealing with bureaucracy, expect the unexpected. I don’t think you’ll have to send for anything in particular from home, but if you have it with you, bring it: diploma; copy of diploma; passport and copy; alien registration card; travel documents; regulation-size photos; any information you have received about where you’re going and what you’re planning to do.

Photo by electrostatico

3. Consider location a major factor.

Not all of us live in capital cities or even urban areas. Just as I had to pay thousands of Yen in travel expenses, so might you have to commute for hours or even days when applying for a foreign visa.

Although it’s unwise to put off applying for visas until the last possible second, doing so might save you something; if you have to travel to a large city to fly out anyway, you might as well time your visa run for a few days before departure.

Check to see if mail-in applications are accepted, or if a legal representative can present your passport and apply for you.

This includes the physical location of the embassy or consulate, which can be in some obscure areas; the American embassy in Beijing is located just behind the silk market, the Thai consulate on the 15th floor of an office building. They’re not always in plain view or readily accessible.

4. Consider processing time.

Whether you’re in a tight crunch between layovers, or you have plenty of days to locate the embassy and go over what’s needed, be careful. Say you’re planning a flight to Washington DC and have exactly three days to obtain your visa to Vietnam… what if the flight is delayed by 12 hours?

Can you still travel if your application is delayed or rejected? Can you pay extra to have the visa processed on the same working day?

5. Find out if there are other options.

Depending on your nationality and where you’re headed, some countries do not require visas (for example, most people can enter Hong Kong for 30 days without a visa) or will allow you to purchase one when you land.

Not a bad idea, but I can understand if you’re a bit weary about giving out so much personal information online. Services like this will always cost more than you simply doing it in person.

If you’re unwilling to travel 1000 km to the nearest embassy, you might be able to appoint a legal representative to present your passport on your behalf.

This can be a friend whom you’ve given legal authority, or a paid service by a law firm.

6. Use the political muscle of your Senator or Representative.

Have a friend who holds some kind of elected office back home?

Even if not, you can still request a letter of assistance from your US representative. Contact the office of your favorite Congressperson.

An endorsement, or even a letter showing some kind of loose support from someone in office can reduce processing times and open doors.

It’s all about presenting that official government letterhead. Now the emassy isn’t just dealing with you; someone from your government is watching as well.

Community Connection

Interested in getting more information about visas from travelers living in different countries around the world?

Contact them directly and ask about their experiences by searching for travelers in the destinations page at Matador.