Photo by Lone Primate. Feature by dmealiffe

Enter the four horsemen, one of whom bears a striking resemblance to Karl Rove, and Obama doesn’t win the election. Now what? No matter how conservative the newly-elected Canadian government might be, it pales in comparison to a McPalin free-for-all market, war-mongering theocracy. Time to high-tail it up north.

First Step: Pick a Program

The Canadian government offers six immigration programs for permanent residency:

Skills workers and professionals

Canadian Experience Class

Investors, entrepreneurs, and self-employed persons

Sponsoring your family

Provincial nominees

Quebec-selected skilled workers

Second Step: Apply for a Visa

After determining which requirements you meet, you’ll have to fill out an application and send it along with documents (such as language tests results, sponsor letters, proof of educational degrees, and so forth) specific to that program to the visa office in Buffalo.

At the very least, however, every applicant must provide a medical certificate and criminal record check, pay the application fees (here’s a rough estimate of what you might have to pay), and, later, interview with immigration representatives.

Third Step: Wait

Paying the fees doesn’t guarantee your residency and there’s quite a long line ahead of you to get into the country (Canada is one of the two top countries for immigration—second is Australia for those looking for a Plan B). The application finalization process takes anywhere from 7 to 21 months.

Editor’s Note: Please stay tuned for a companion guide we’ll be publishing tomorrow, “How to Move to the US if Obama Wins.”

Feature photo by Movimente. Above photo by Josh Berglund.

Garlic, check. Holy water, check. Crucifix, check. So you’ve packed for every contingency, even encounters with Nosferatu, and now you’re ready to go?

Think again, intrepid traveler. More than one kind of bloodsucker haunts the far reaches of the earth. Here’s the globe-trotter’s guide on how to avoid becoming the midnight snack of some of the world’s creepier ghouls.

Malaysia

Whizzing through the hot and humid Malaysian night air comes the horrific penanggalan, a flying woman’s head complete with hanging entrails. Once a beautiful midwife who made a pact with the devil for supernatural abilities, the penanggalan is cursed to detach from her body each night in search of the blood of newborn infants and expectant mothers.

Possessing the ability to float through walls and squeeze through the cracks of floorboards, the penanggalan also has prehensile intestines that leave constant sores on whomever it grasps. It’s pretty darn gross.

How to protect yourself:

Place thorns around the windows and doors of your hostel to snare the penanggalan’s entrails. If you want to get really gung-ho and make a preemptive strike, follow the creature back to its abode and wait for the next nightfall to place broken glass in the neck of the decapitated body. When the penanggalan tries to squeeze back into its body, its guts will be shredded to bits.

Brazil

Throw away your Anne Rice-inspired notions of dark, seductive bloodsuckers lurking in your boudoir, and say hello instead to the lobishomen, the hobo of vampires. Hairy and squat with a hunched back, jaundiced skin and rotten-black teeth, and frequently described as looking like a monkey, he’s not going to win any Lestat look-alike contests soon. Ironically, or maybe not, lobishomen primarily preys upon women, who become raving nymphomaniacs after his bite.

How to protect yourself:

The lobishomen’s one easily exploited weakness is the intoxicated state he enters after a nip or two of blood. Once he’s passed out, feel free to give him a stab—or crucify him if you’re feeling particularly energetic.

Feature and above photo by Brett Fernau.

Northern United States and Canada

An evil supernatural being associated with famine, winter, and desolation, the wendigo is said to resemble a sasquatch, only with an emaciated frame, sunken eyes, bloody and ragged lips, and (of course) a ravenous appetite for human meat. It also carries the odor of decay wherever it haunts.

People typically fall prey to possession by the spirit after resorting to cannibalism during a time of starvation. Then they’ll be driven insane by an unstoppable impulse to continue the bloody carnage, even killing family members and friends.

How to protect yourself:

Preventive measures are the preferred method, with ritual dances warning people of the dangers of cannibalism, since the only way to stop a victim already under the influence of the wendigo’s bloodlust is immediate execution. Always packing enough to eat for everyone, or not visiting in the winter, might also be wise decisions.

Southern Africa

A witch’s familiar handed down the matrilineal line, the impundulu inflicts an insatiable blood-thirst upon its mistress’s enemies. To the witch, the impundulu takes the appearance of a handsome, sexually receptive young man (you can see why they keep it in the family), but when out running errands it transforms into the lightning bird, a roughly human-sized rainbow-feathered bird that casts electric bolts with its wings.

How to protect yourself:

Effectively immortal, the impundulu is impervious to many customary methods of protection, except being set on fire. You just have to catch it first. Other than that, a local healer might have a magical salve created from impundulu fat that will help stave off an attack.

Caribbean

An old woman who has made a pact with the Devil for — you guessed it — supernatural powers, the loogaroo must appease her dark lord with the blood of a victim every night. If she can’t supply the Devil with the agreed-upon payment, he will take her own life’s essence in turn. Before her nightly sojourn, the loogaroo anoints her body with a magical potion that allows her to slip off her skin, which she leaves under the Devil Tree. Transforming into a glowing, sulfurous ball of light, she then searches out her next unsuspecting victim.

How to protect yourself:

Apparently this vampire has one bad case of OCD. To thwart the loogaroo’s attack, place a pile of sand outside your door and she will be compelled to count each grain. Once the sun begins to rise, she’ll flee back to her hidden skin and an unhappy Satan.

Feature and above photo by Shawn Allen.

India

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned, and this Indian vampy presents no exception. A malevolent sorceress who takes a disliking to a certain man, the chedipe disrobes, hops onto a flying tiger to the offending male’s house, and puts the inhabitant into a deep trance. While the unconscious man lies unaware, she siphons his blood through his big toe.

She will return every night until the man wastes away and eventually dies. If the man is particularly unlucky, the vampire will simply lick the victim, killing him instantly.

How to protect yourself:

Two fail-safe precautions would be to wear steel-toed boots to bed, or to be a woman. Barring that, if you feel you might be a victim of a Chedipe (symptoms include uneasiness and intoxication—kind of like you smoked too much ganja), see a local healer. You’ll be cured within ten days.

Australia

You might think that the country with the most venomous snakes in the world would catch a break in the monster department — but you’d be wrong. The yara-ma-yha-who, a small red man-like creature with an oversized head and no teeth, waits it in the upper reaches of a fig tree for its victims, descending upon them to drain their blood though suckers on its feet and hands.

After letting the weakened victim languish a bit, the manikin returns to swallow the person and then, after a short nap, regurgitate them. Usually, the person lives through the ordeal, minus a few inches of leg.

How to protect yourself:

Don’t hang out under fig trees. Other than that, it’s best to ride out the digestion process and reconcile yourself to getting all of your pants hemmed.

Mesopotamia

One of the oldest bloodsuckers of them all, Lamashtu has terrorized people since 4000 BCE. A rogue goddess described as having a head of a lion with donkey ears and teeth, and bird feet, she kidnaps children for the fun of it, gnawing on their bones and drinking their blood. Other claims to fame include causing miscarriages, polluting bodies of water, carrying pestilence, and generally being an evil pain in the ass.

How to protect yourself:

In this case, two wrongs do make a right. Pazuzu, chief rival of Lamashtu and the bringer of famine and drought, can be invoked to chase off the baby-eating goddess. What you then do to expel Pazuzu isn’t quite clear.

Photo by Marshall Astor.

Japan

You really, really don’t want to encounter a kappa. A frog-like river monster roughly the size of a small child, the kappa pulls its hapless victim into the water and then sucks the entrails out of… the poor bastard’s anus. Erk. If the person is lucky, they might drown beforehand.

How to protect yourself:

Surprisingly, the kappa possesses a deep sense of etiquette. If you have the presence of mind before being dragged to a watery and grotesque death, bow to the creature. The kappa will be obliged to bow in return, spilling the water in a special cavity on the top of its head and thus dying. It’s safe to say this guy was late when the vampire jobs were handed out.

Germany

The alp is an odd little fellow. With a jaunty cap that imbues him with magical powers, the alp sneaks into sleeping people’s bedrooms and commits various acts of scandal — causing nightmares, putting dirty diapers back on babies, and sucking blood through men and children’s nipples. It’s also not opposed to imbibing a bit of breast milk here and there. In one of its more adorable aspects, the alp can transmogrify into a cat, dog, pig, or butterfly—but only while still wearing the little hat.

How to protect yourself:

While not life-threatening, an alp attack is fairly annoying and can be easily avoided. Placing a broomstick under your pillow or shoes next to your bed should do the trick. If you happen to wake up to find an alp in the bedroom, ask him to come back for a morning cup of coffee and he’ll kindly oblige.

Feature photo by flicksta. Photo above by wsdot.

A Mack truck of snow, cascading at 100 mph, bears down on you. The ground shakes, thunder fills your ears, and everything goes white.

What do you do?

Each year, avalanches claim 150 lives worldwide. The majority of victims are backcountry recreationalists—skiers, snowmobilers, climbers, and snowshoers who venture into unpatrolled terrain.

The good news: Most avalanches are triggered by the very people they ensnare, and can therefore be prevented with the proper mix of know-how and caution.

Photo by wsdot.

Practice Avoidance

An avalanche is easiest to survive when avoided altogether. Knowledge and experience are essential here, so before you take on the backcountry, take in an avalanche safety course.

You’ll learn skills like identifying suspect terrain. While an avalanche can occur at any grade, 30–45-degree slopes are most susceptible. Bowls and gullies are always risky.

Signs of past avalanches, such as a treeless chute cutting through an otherwise wooded pitch, are telltale. If an avalanche has run once, another is inevitable.

Slides begin on slopes, but standing complacently on the valley floor can put you in even greater danger. Pick out likely runout zones, where all the snow and debris will end up after a run, and steer clear.

Visual clues alone are not enough to assess avalanche risk. Much depends upon the makeup of the snow itself.

Snowpack is composed of different layers, some cohesive, others loose and light. A dense slab resting above a weaker layer requires only the slightest trigger to slide. Know what’s under you—perform snowpack tests frequently during an outing.

Every backcountry trip should begin with a thorough investigation of current conditions. How much snow has fallen? What temperatures can be expected? Which direction is the wind blowing? Have avalanche warnings been issued?

With links to avalanche centers throughout the world, avalanche.org is a great resource.

Don’t get bogged down by jargon in your research. This handy encyclopedia will help you keep those terms straight.

Photo by T.M.O.F.

Gear Up

Next comes the hardware. A comprehensive gear list for backcountry excursions can be found here.

Most important is the beacon, a device capable of emitting and receiving a pulsed radio signal. All beacons function at a frequency of 457 kHz, regardless of manufacturer.

If you’re buried by an avalanche, a transmitting beacon represents your best—perhaps only—chance of rescue. Those searching for you, with their beacons set to receive, can pinpoint your location to within a couple feet.

Obviously, beacons only function when used together. Make sure everyone in your party carries one, and NEVER go into the backcountry alone.

Once the beacon has done its job, long, skinny poles called probes are stabbed into the snow to determine your exact position. Finally, a shovel is the most efficient method for extracting you.

Other backcountry tools, including slope meters and snow saws, assist in your analysis of avalanche risk. None of these specialized devices are self-explanatory; practice makes perfect. Your safety course will lay the foundations, but it’s up to you to hold refreshers throughout the season and prior to any trip.

Photo by wsdot.

Worst Case Scenario

Even the best prepared and most experienced can fall victim to an avalanche. The documentary A Dozen More Turns chronicles one such story.

How should you react to the worse case scenario?

During any precious seconds before the avalanche hits, ditch your gear, which will only weigh you down. (Your beacon should be attached to clothing beneath your jacket.) Crouch low facing downhill, cover your mouth and nose, and brace for impact.

Around half of all avalanche deaths result from blunt trauma—being smashed against a tree or rock. Controlling this factor is impossible. Instead, concentrate on preventing the other killer: suffocation or hypothermia from burial.

Remain at the surface of the slide. Move your arms and legs as if you were doing the backstroke in a pool. Your muscles will meet much greater resistance in snow than in water, so don’t hold back. Use all your strength to avoid getting pulled under.

Too often, the torrent of snow is inescapable. But even buried within it, there are ways to increase your odds.

As the slide slows, punch your hands out in front of your face to create an air pocket. This must be done quickly, for immediately after the snow stops it will harden.

No matter how large the air pocket, your oxygen is limited. Remain as calm as possible, taking slow, measured breaths. Shout only if you think someone is very close, as the snow will muffle the sound.
All you can do now is wait and trust in the competence of your companions.

Photo by Lt. Pancake.

To the Rescue

Just as you’d want a capable rescuer to come to your aid, you must be prepared to do the same for a victim in your party. In the backcountry, miles from civilization, you are their sole hope of survival.

As the person tumbles with the avalanche, maintain visual contact, carefully noting their last visible position if they go under. This will mark the upper boundary of your search area.

When approaching the slide zone, be wary of triggering a second avalanche. You can’t help anyone if you become buried yourself.

Scan for visual clues first: a backpack, a ski pole, a hand sticking out of the snow. Lacking these, it’s beacon time.

Your search pattern will depend on the size of both the rescue group and the search area, as will your probing strategy once you’ve homed in with a beacon. A skilled, properly equipped team can find a body in under five minutes.

After 15 minutes of burial, fatality rates skyrocket. However, survivors have been pulled from avalanches hours after being covered, so don’t give up unless exhaustion is endangering your own safety.

Once the victim is located, dig downhill from them, exposing the head and chest as quickly as possible.

COMMUNITY CONNECTION:

Headed to the backcountry? Check out A First Timer’s Guide to Backcountry Skiing and Snowboarding, and 8 Pieces of Gear To Keep You Warm and Safe in the Backcountry.

GOODS:

How to take as much as you like in your hand luggage from Matador Network on Vimeo.

Feature Photo by: bmfckr.

Photo by <<<...Buddhamountain ...

We’d shed our outer gear, letting it dry by the fire, and were enjoying a few adult beverages and some well deserved appetizers at Lamoille Lodge, the sun safely behind the Ruby Mountains for over an hour now. The tattoo on Gary’s left bicep caught my eye–profile of an Arctic tern sticking its head out of an oversized vase. I had to ask.

“Explain your ink please, Gary.”

“Earn your turns Chrys, Earn your turns.” he replied, finishing off the last bits of a deep fried whole onion better prepared than those offered at a certain Australian themed restaurant chain.

Earn your turns = Urn Your Terns. Ah…I got it. A new mantra now I was no longer considered a telemark virgin.

I’d just finished my first backcountry tour with a group of exploration geologists and Forest Service types calling the remote NE corner of Nevada home. We’d taken snowmobiles to the head of a glaciated, u-shaped canyon and for six glorious hours worked our way up, then down some of the most pristine powder I’d ever touched.

That was 1994 and I haven’t put on traditional downhill alpine skiing gear since. Blame the opening ceremony of the Lillehammer Olympics, or buried genetics from my father’s Norwegian clan, but the telemark turn and the places it can take me is firmly implanted in my body’s collective unconscious.

Photo by <<<...Buddhamountain ...

Telemark Basics

Telemark or free heel skiing refers to a turn developed in the Telemark region of Norway by Sondre Norheim in the mid 1800’s. Like Nordic or cross country skiing, the back heel remains unattached to the ski’s base. This allows for cross country stride and glide on the flats or hiking uphill with sticky skins attached to reach peaks for descents.

The loose heel requires a different approach when heading downhill. The skis are not kept parallel, but staggered, half of more of your body weighting the outside ski to create the turn. The inside heel is off the ground until a natural gravity shifts the position and your feet switch roles, steering you in the opposite direction.

The telemark turn transforms two skis into one long, extended curve, one that can be shortened or lengthened depending on conditions. It is the perfect way to feel the snow. You can take your body low to the ground, bend your knee till it almost touches the top of the ski.

Sounds easy, huh? I thought it would be, having been an avid skier for a quarter century.

Combining the two proved more difficult than I imagined. I ate a lot of snow my first year, used many expletives heard from chair lifts around the western United States, either in the presence of an instructor, patient friend, or on my own.

I didn’t understand why my well honed alpine muscle memory didn’t snap up this new connection of moves and immediately make me a master. But my stubborn Norwegian self kept at it and within one season I completed smooth, connected turns, admiring my trail of “S’s” from the bottom with only a few good friends and a gray jay or two as witnesses.

Photo by dirkgroeger

So here’s a skinny Scandinavian Girl’s Guide to a Close to Perfect Telemark Turn:

1) Take a lesson at a ski hill. It helps to ski on groomed conditions in the beginning. I did this at Mount Bachelor mid-week in December before the Christmas crush.

My instructor was strikingly handsome in that outdoorsy way and since he didn’t have another student for the afternoon session, skied with me the entire day. The confidence factor was high when the lifts shut down. As a bonus I had a lovely companion to quaff après ski Black Butte Porters in Bend afterwards.

2) Start with equipment designed for telemark, or a lighter, softer downhill ski with telemark bindings attached. Shaped skis have made mastering free heel skiing simpler than ever. As with any new sport, rent your gear at first.

Leather boots are still used, more common in Europe than anywhere else. Durable polymer boots leaning towards a downhill design are the most common these days.

Depending on the boot, you will either have a traditional three pin binding with a trio of holes to secure the boot’s bill, a cable binding rapping around the heel for more stability, or an even beefier hinged plate binding, allowing skiers to switch from free hill technique to alpine. The first two set-ups are best for novices.

3) As you practice let gravity work for you. You’ll feel the shift as the transition from one turn to another evolves. Don’t be discouraged if you fall… a lot! “If you aren’t falling you aren’t learning.” Know you are making progress when you fall forwards, not backwards. Besides fresh snow tastes great.

4) If possible ski with people better than you. Tracking good skiers is visual motivation and mimicking at its best.

5) Once you are relatively confident with your turns at the yo-yo resorts (an inside reference to the up and down chairlift method of getting up the hill), start thinking backcountry. Contemplate wilderness with no mass of skiers beside you. The beauty of telemark skiing for me is experiencing the rush of skiing and nature’s chilly beauty in the hidden chutes and bowls.

Photo by <<<...Buddhamountain...

Your First Telemark Trip

I’m a bit of a loner but backcountry telemark is not a sport to take on solo. Always have a companion or better yet a gang so y’all can admire the figure eights decorating the hillside.

Concentrate on local day trips until those quads are straining at your Levis and you feel comfortable with variable snow conditions. Then step it up and go for a long weekend or even better, an entire week.

Wherever you land this winter, northern or southern hemisphere, how you get to the top of the mountain will depend on your wallet. Those who didn’t lose it all in the stock market this fall can opt for a helicopter ride almost anywhere the snow is cold and dry, the ranges massive.

There are less expensive snow cats, snow machines, or your own diagonal glide power (urn your terns baby!). Stay tuned for killer destinations for those of us who explore in the winter as much as any other season.

Feature photo by Seamoor. Photo above by Go Card USA.

Red eye flights leave after 9 PM and arrive before 5 AM. Most people avoid them. I don’t, though, and here are 10 reasons why:

1. Late night flights are often cheaper.

For my recent flight from Charlotte to New York, a ticket that cost more than $200 for a mid-day flight cost just $82 for a late night flight.

2. Late night flights offer faster check in.

Airports tend to be less busy late at night; from curb to check-in, your jaunt to the gate is likely to be smoother and quicker than it would be during the day.

3. Late night flights often fly well below capacity.

Mid-day flights are often full. Late night flights aren’t… which means the one seat you paid for can often turn into three seats for stretching out and taking a nap. Fewer passengers also means you’re more likely to snag the increasingly coveted airline blanket, pillow, and snack.

Photo by caribb.

4. Late night flights are less rowdy.

Parents with crying kids. Businesspeople knocking back a few drinks. The overexcited tourist who just can’t wait to get to Vegas and gamble away her retirement. They’re all absent from late night flights.

5. Late night flights are more luggage friendly.

Fewer passengers = more overhead bin space and less luggage in cargo. Less luggage in cargo = faster baggage claim.

6. Late night flights let you get in a full day’s work.

Mid-day flights always leave me feeling as if I’ve lost a whole day of work, leaving me cranky. A late night flight, however, lets me get in at least a half-day’s work, and I can squeeze in a full day’s work if I’m not procrastinating.

Photo by juicyrai.

7. Late night flights let you avoid rush hour traffic.

Sometimes, the headache of air travel has nothing to do with air at all, but with on the ground traffic. Avoid morning and afternoon rush hours by taking the late night flight.

8. Late night flights tend to be on time.

With less air and runway traffic compared to morning and afternoon flights, late night flights tend to arrive and depart on time.

9. Late night flights allow you to manage your appetite.

Like work, eating habits always seem to get thrown off by morning or mid-day flights. With a late night flight, though, it’s possible to eat breakfast and lunch, and to pack a light snack for the plane.

Photo by reflective perspicacity.

10. Late night flights leave you less prone to losing stuff.

With fewer people, TSA screeners, gate agents, and flight attendants are all more likely to have more time to devote to you… which means they’re more likely to see and return the laptop you left behind at the x-ray machine or the camera you forgot in the overhead bin.

Feature photo and photo above by Aaron Appleton.

Robbed at gunpoint. Chased by a pack of wild dogs. Swallowed by a rioting mob. Attacked by a black mamba. These might sound like plot points for a new Indiana Jones flick, but really they are just events in a year of Aaron Appleton’s life as a self-described “avant garde ethnomusicologist”.

Aaron travels nine months of the year recording vocalists from developing countries, in hopes of creating an album that combines these sounds with those of producers from the USA, Portugal, The Netherlands and Australia.

An Ethno-What Now?

Photo by by Aaron Appleton.

Aaron is just one example of a growing number of people who have made recording world music into a career. Ethnomusicology is a relatively new field, with the official term only being coined in the 1950’s.

Loosely, it’s the anthropology of music. Most ethnomusicologists travel intensely and have a natural curiosity for how music translates as a cultural phenomenon. Music is recorded at source, in many cases creating a record of sounds that have previously never been documented.

Adventure In Sound

Most recording is done on the fly. A background in audio recording is imperative because so many variables present themselves in different environments. Skill aside, ingenuity and a duct-tape-fix-all mentality can often come in handy.

Says Appleton, “I’ve worked in very rural areas with no electricity, using a recording method called ‘binaural recording’, where I place some tiny microphones in my ears and capture the audio with a small battery operated recorder.” It’s not always Abbey Road Studios.

Study

A degree makes obtaining grants much easier and can help prepare students for a positive interaction with different cultures. There are over sixty universities offering programs worldwide.

Even if a school does not offer the specific program, some will agree to an individually tailored education program that can be designed to allow for similar experience.

Networking

Photo by by Aaron Appleton.

As connecting directly with indigenous musicians is the fastest way to find local talent, networking with other ethnomusicologists is essential to advancing a career. Several groups serve as a hub, including:

Also important are: The International Association Of Sound and Audiovisual Archives and Smithsonian Folkways.

Aaron recommends a start by “searching out national cultural councils and organizations, or just going to universities and meeting with professors from the music or anthropology department.”

Grants and Funding

Ethnomusicology isn’t necessarily the job for anyone looking to make mountains of cash. Grant competition is fierce, with the The Fullbright as The Holy Grail for students looking to break into the field. Most newbies to the field work a second job in order to fund expeditions.

Appleton himself spends his summers fighting wildfires in the USA to increase his savings.

Photo by gruntzooki

There are plenty of travel risks worth taking.

The most valuable risk is the decision to travel in the first place, to open yourself up to the world and challenge your most basic assumptions about how best to live.

But although the act of travel is fundamentally safe, there are some risks that travelers should avoid. Certain activities are indeed dangerous, while others simply lack the reward to justify the risk.

Whether you’re a seasoned traveler or a bright-eyed backpacker, here are ten travel risks that aren’t worth taking.

Going Barefoot

Last month I was reclining on a pristine white sand beach, desperately trying to get my student’s foot to stop spurting blood.

We were 3 hours from the Cambodian mainland, but even in this isolated paradise there was a broken bottle hidden in the sand.

Going barefoot anywhere is asking for injury, and cuts on the feet are especially prone to serious infection. Don’t go barefoot. Wear all-purpose sandals like Keens, Chacos, or Tevas at all times.

Making a Big Commitment Too Soon

Surfing the internet at 3 am, you find a brand new mongoose rehabilitation program in Angola. Since reading Kipling’s short story about Rikitikitavi in the Jungle Book, it’s been your dream to work with endangered mongeese. Yippee!

To reserve your spot, you need to make a deposit and sign a contract committing to one year in Angola…but hold your horses.

Before committing to any volunteer program, group tour or overseas job, take the time to do some serious research. Due diligence early on could save you a lot of angst and money in the long run.

The best strategy is often to travel independently until you find a program that you can assess first-hand before making a commitment.

Otherwise you might find yourself paying 43 times the average Angolan salary to breastfeed orphaned mongeese – and those little buggers have sharp teeth.

Riding Motor-Bikes

There’s a reason your travel insurance policy doesn’t cover motor-bike accidents: the two wheeled menaces are freaking dangerous.

A friend of mine once worked in an emergency room. After two weeks on the job, he sold his motorcycle. “There were just too many people coming in with crushed skulls, road rash and broken legs,” he said.

If you do ride a motor-bike, be sure to wear a helmet and watch out for the muffler, which can leave a nasty burn on your inner calf.

Photo by andydoro

Buying Illegal Drugs

So you’ve never seen the inside of a foreign prison? Good. Keep it that way.

Buying illegal drugs when you don’t know who you’re dealing with or what you’re getting is an enormous risk.

Soft drugs like marijuana are pretty harmless, but actually buying drugs means dealing with sketchy hustlers who have no qualms about making a few extra dollars by turning you in to the police or selling you adulterated product.

Gambling in Casinos

Never mind the fact that casino gambling is a great way to lose money.

Especially in poor countries, casinos are nasty places. Profits are funneled to the gangster elite, sexual slavery flourishes, and locals who struggle to get by are treated to the sight of high-rollers throwing around $100 chips.

Have some respect for the locals and for yourself, and don’t patronize casinos.

Photo by Idol

Booking Tight Connections

Eager to get to Angola, you go online to book transportation. An American Airlines flight from New York to Lisbon gets in at 4 pm, which gives you plenty of time to catch the 8 pm Angola Air flight to Luanda, via Dakar, Nairobi and Capetown.

Isn’t it amazing how easy world travel has become in the age of intercontinental flights?

Well, yes, but getting from New York to Angola without any mishaps along the way is never a sure thing.

What happens when your flight to Lisbon is delayed just long enough for you to miss your Dakar connection? You could easily get stranded and lose a lot of money.

When booking overseas travel, especially when switching between airlines, it’s important to leave plenty of time to cover unexpected delays. Why not give yourself a few days to explore Lisbon before jetting off to Angola? The mongeese will survive without you.

Flaunting Wealth

Traipsing the streets of a foreign city with an iPhone in your hand, a fancy watch on your wrist and a healthy bulge in your back pocket is obnoxious and stupid. One of the most valuable lessons travel teaches is humility, and you’ll find it easier to interact with the locals if you dress and act modestly.

As a foreign tourist, you’re already a target for scam artists and thieves – don’t give the bad guys any extra incentive to rob you by flaunting the bling.

Photo by cambiodefractal

Getting Wasted

I’m all for having a few drinks while traveling, but there’s a big difference between getting buzzed and getting wasted. Weaving down a dark street in a sketchy part of town late at night after drinking too much alcohol will make you an easy target.

Trusting Tourist Touts

In general, you should trust the locals. Keeping an open mind and taking people at their word will often lead to warm friendships and memorable travel experiences.

One important exception are the tourist touts, people who make a living by ripping off naïve travelers. Touts are people too, and there’s no need to get rude with them, but remember that they’re desperate to make a buck however they can and don’t have your best interests in mind.

A good rule of thumb is that the sooner someone calls you “my friend” the more they will try to scam you.

Not Buying Travel Insurance

Travel insurance is a necessity. You need travel insurance. If you get sick or injured, if your things are stolen, if you need to cancel your trip or if you need an evacuation, it’s essential to have an insurance company backing you up.

Travel insurance is cheap and easy to get. There’s no excuse not to buy a policy. If you’re traveling and don’t have insurance, you should get coverage right now – it takes less than 15 minutes.

I get my travel insurance through World Nomads, an affordable and reliable provider. If you haven’t bought a policy yet, follow this link to check out your options.

Safe Travels!

Feature photo by lindyireland. Photo above by McPig.

Keep your possessions in view

Photo by Oona Fay.

When you must keep important things on you, stash cash and vital documents in front pockets. Make sure you can see your bags when on the bus or train. When stowing bags in overhead compartments, place them across the aisle and a row or two in front of your seat so that they are within a comfortable sightline.

Distribute your valuables

The more you can spread out your valuables both on your person and in your luggage, the less likely it is you’ll lose everything in the event of a theft.

The Go wallet

Consider carrying an extra wallet filled with a couple notes in the local currency. If you get mugged, you can hand over the decoy. Your assailant is likely to be in a hurry and might run off with this first offering. If successful, this strategy will spare you the loss of your bankcard and other hard to replace documents.

Don’t sleep on the job

Though it might be tempting to party all night and sleep it off on the ride to your next destination, you might wake up relieved of your belongings. Unless you are in a compartment that you can safely lock yourself into, avoid sleeping on public transportation. If you must sleep on the road, travel in a group and take turns staying awake to guard one another’s bags.

Photo by numberjuan2.

Put the map in your head

Even in a new place, it’s a good idea to at least appear like you know where you are going. Stopping on the sidewalk right outside the station to thumb through your Lonely Planet guide might draw unnecessary attention.

Take the time on the bus or train on the approach into town to study a map of your destination. If possible, figure out the street names on your route and the number of blocks to your hostel so you can make your way from the terminal with confidence.

Use the hostel safe

Accommodations that meet Hostelling International standards are required to have lockers or a safe for your valuables. Use them.

Photo by Squirk.

Booze wisely

Many travel horror stories begin with a protagonist who had one too many drinks before stumbling along unfamiliar city streets onto the scene of a robbery. If possible, save your heavy drinking for the safer confines of your hotel or hostel.

Place a bill under your shoe pad

This tip comes from a veteran traveler who experienced a humbling end to a late night of club going in Havana. He was drunk, on foot, and a bit lost. His assailants blindsided him on a dark street and stripped off his jeans. They did not bother taking his old shoes. If stripped of everything else, with a few bucks under your sock you’ll at least have the cash to get a room while you sort out your next move.

Don’t walk at night

A cab ride back from the late-night spot might save you money in the long run. Most big city hostels and hotels will provide you with an address card you can hand to your driver at the end of the evening.

Photo by Ross.

Beware of crowds

If the nightmare mugging takes place in a dark alley or deserted street, you are more likely to lose your money in a crowded place and it might take you hours to realize something is missing. Pickpockets are rife in crowded urban markets, at street festivals, and on packed buses and trains because all the jostling and commotion aids the thief’s sleight of hand. Become extra alert when someone knocks into you, and try to keep your hands over your pockets in crowded areas.

Be suspicious of new best friends

One of the pleasures of travel is meeting the locals. Unfortunately, the world is full of false guides who prey on your desire for authentic experience. If approached out of the blue, be on guard for hidden agendas.

Photo by Oona Fay.

Take wide turns

You never know who might be waiting for you on the other side of a corner. In a similar vein, use peripheral vision to keep track of what’s going on around you.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide

The same cardinal rule to interstellar travel applies just as well to pedestrian globe trotting—Don’t panic. Easier said than done, of course. One strategy to help maintain composure involves periodically running through a worst-case scenario in your mind, the more detail the better.

Imagine getting mugged at knifepoint, how you calmly surrender that decoy wallet, giving your assailant every opportunity for an easy escape.

Community Connection!

Matador member Jon Brandt recently experienced a nightmare robbery on a bus in Ecuador. Read his eloquent and riveting account of the event here: The Great Bus Heist.

AMAZON LINKS:
Dopp Regatta 88 Series Front Getaway Pocket

XScream Personal Alarm

Shoe Wallet for Walkers, Runners & Travelers (Undetectable on the shoe).

Zabars photo by Ed Yourdon

The situation: After a morning feast of bagels and lox at Zabar’s, the
famous Jewish grocery store on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, you want to view the Wang Hui exhibit at The Met.

The museum, however, is on the East Side, and you’re nowhere near the cross-town subway. You didn’t budget enough money for a taxi or enough time for a walk through Central Park. If only you knew how to take the bus!

The background: Don’t let your days of yellow school-bus riding inflate your confidence. No matter how savvy a traveler, taking the bus in New York City is hard. The city, after all, is home to the world’s largest fleet of public buses (4,373), which run about 200 local and 40 express routes.

They’re ubiquitous, whizzing past you every which way. If you know what you’re doing they can be quite convenient, but where are they headed, and how do you catch one?

The route: Maps aren’t available at bus stops like they are in subway stations, so print out a copy beforehand, or do what many New Yorkers do: buy a credit-card sized route map, which is available at most city bookstores.

photo by picture taking fool

Although some bus routes run north to south, and others squiggle around the city in no particular pattern, buses are arguably most useful (and also most manageable) when commuting between Manhattan’s east and west sides.

North of 42nd Street there’s no subway that runs across town, so the only way to get, say, from Zabar’s to the Met, is by bus. In this instance you would take the M79—the “M” being for “Manhattan,” and the “79″ for 79th Street, across which this route runs. Likewise, the M72 takes you across 72nd Street and the M66 across 66th Street, but lest
you think you have the system mastered, the wheels of the M4 never touch 4th Street.

Always check your map.

photo by Fredo Alvarez

The bus stop: So now that you know what bus you need, you need to find your stop. If you’ve walked two blocks without seeing either a bus shelter or a tall, round blue sign with a bus emblem and route number,
you’re probably on the wrong path.

Once at the stop you’ll find a schedule (at eye level on the sign’s pole), whose times are good estimates but not to be taken too seriously. What is more useful is the time between arrivals (usually 10 minutes, but longer or shorter depending on the route and time of day). This should be the longest you’ll have to wait.

Getting on: As the bus approaches, get out your Metrocard. Yes, the Metrocard you bought for the subway can also be used on city buses.

But here you’ll dip rather than swipe it, and to avoid letting everyone know you’re from out of town, have your card ready, with the front yellow part facing toward you, the black stripe on the right-hand side and the cut-off corner on the top left-hand side. (If you don’t have a Metrocard, buses also accept cash—but change only. Another rider may also let you “buy a swipe” if you only have dollar bills.)

Riding: In the afternoons and evenings, uptown cross-town buses (like the M79) will be filled with prep school students whose conversations are sometimes as entertaining as a scene from Gossip Girl. Anywhere you ride there will be plenty of phone calls on which to eavesdrop, but if you actually want to talk to a New Yorker your best bet is in the front of the bus, where seats are reserved for elderly riders; they are less likely to be clicking away on a Blackberry.

photo by Darny

Getting off: As you snoop, chat or watch landmarks roll by the window, remember to also pay attention to where you are. Bus stops are not marked as clearly as are subway stations, and driver announcements, when they are even made, are not always comprehensible.

A block or two before your stop, check to see whether the “stop requested” sign up by the driver is lit. If it’s not, push the yellow tape running along the wall or one of the red buttons on the polls marked “stop.”

It’s most courteous to exit through the back door (as it expedites the process of people getting on in the front), but you should know that the door won’t open automatically. You must push the yellow tape, which signals to the driver that you want to get out; a bright green light is your signal that the driver has unlocked the door.

If you’ve pressed the tape and the door still hasn’t unlocked, yell up to the driver, “Back door!”

photo by Campbellism

Advanced bus taking: Once you’ve mastered bus-taking basics, you may wish to try your hand at a few more advanced tricks of the trade.

While most buses stop every two blocks, some—labeled “limited” or “LMD”—stop about every 10, making for an expedited journey. The signpost schedule will tell you approximately when limited buses arrive and where they stop.

You can also get the most of your Metrocard by taking the subway and then the bus, or transferring from one bus to another—all for one fare. As long as you swipe and dip within a two-hour window, you get two rides for the price of one.

Proud of your New York City bus expertise? Skip the $40 taxi to LaGuardia for your flight home. Catch the M60 (which runs up Broadway, and then across 125th Street) and ride it right to your gate.